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Episode 52: Doctor Opera Closet

We're kicking off season three in style -- unlike the characters on the cover of The Dragon Reborn. We're talking about the Gawyn Redaction Contract, Rejected Mortal Kombat Characters, the Asshole Convention of Amadicia, and Rand's best friends, Mark and Percy.

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Episode 53: Gaul Eats a Lizard

Gaul might not even be a character in the series yet, but he's present in OUR HEARTS. We're also talking about Whaleworld, Henry the Ain't, Perrin's MeUndies, and SHAKIRA SHAKIRA.

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Episode 54: Asmodean, Play Despacito

In this episode we discuss alternate titles for the Dragon Reborn, Rand pulls a Gone Girl, Perrin goes Elizabethan, and Masema drinks the kool-aid. Can't we all just get along? Seriously, Perrin and Moiraine: JUST GET ALONG.  

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Episode 55: Jeremy the Whitecloak

The heist just keeps getting bigger. This week we're talking about Perrinland, Jar Jar Banksy, the Pied Piper of Weddings, the EGOT of Arson, and Two and a Half Larries. It's crazy, y'all.

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Episode 56: Like a Dip

We get real deep in this one. Join us as we talk about Dumpster Fires, Robert Jordan's Romantic Attraction to Lan, Trigger-Happy Women, and Artur Hawkwing's Carrier Pigeon: Valiant.

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Episode 57: Butt Owie

While we talk about Siuan's Big Bad Mistake, we somehow end up in 16th century France. Other topics include: Hurr Durr Sexy Knife Boy, CrossFit Couple, Charlemagne's Acid Trip, and Magic Hall Passes.

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Episode 58: Butterfingers

This week's conversation topics include: Alexa For Emily's Grandparents, the TV Show "Monk" (But Make It Gay), Dream Therapy, Hotness Total, and Galad Damodred Has Never Had A Real Job In His Life.

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Episode 59: Fast & Furious Go Juice

A moment of silence because this series is FINALLY BEGINNING. This week we're talking about the Texas Literacy Test, Dungeon Aesthetics, Dildo Wands, Facial Bullying, and Mat's Magpie Tendencies.

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Episode 60: Schrodinger's Dark One

Guess who DEFINITELY remembered our own theme song? And guess who spent forty-five minutes talking about Magic Hazing, Lumberjack Energy, the Annual Hatred of Women Quota, and Emily's Best Retweet (You'll Know)? US.

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Episode 61 Q&A: The Adventures of Fish-Pig

Thanks for the great questions, folks! In this Q&A we spoil Game of Thrones' first season, give you the music recommendations list of the century, and talk about Robot Feelings, Shark Trollocs, and Emily's Offensive Crocodile Hunter Accent.  

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Episode 62: One and a Half Idiots

In which Emily struggles to think of a single attractive man (spoiler: it's Thor), Sally promotes her mom's podcast, and we vow to never use the word "randy" again, especially if it's adjacent to Rand Al'Thor.

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Episode 63: Smash Egg?

Discussion topics this week include Feet Al'Thor, the Useless Murder List, Equal Opportunity Perverts, and the ultimate question: what in the hell is Lanfear doing in the White Tower, and why won't she leave?  

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Episode 64: Watch What Happens Live with Mat Cauthon

Hello! It's our very first episode recorded with Adobe Audition! We're using it to talk about Sally's Hand Limbo, Mat's Warfare-Riddled Brain, the Gender Police, and Mat's Love of Dance. Be warned -- we dunk on a few well-established fantasy authors in this one.

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Episode 65: Fresca Heart

Put on your slutty pop music sequence and get ready for a vocab lesson! While Mat goes on a gambling binge through the Fantasy Vatican, we talk about his Odysseus tendencies, his impossible horizon of expectations, and . . . pole-vaulting. 

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Episode 66: Pervert of a Took

We're one digit away from 666, but this is still a cursed episode, re: the image of Gandalf in a sexy robe. Also, we pay homage to Danny DeVito, try to remember the stroke acronym F.A.S.T., and witness the Return of Jeremy. 

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Episode 67: Feline Rear Window

We get into some challenging lines of discussion in this one, including Tall Babies, the Choice to Be a Walking Sex Dream (it's a pun), and Paul Bettany's butt. We also ask the question: can cats spell "murder"?

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Episode 68: Brad Pitt Didn’t Die For This

It's a very educational episode! We talk about King Charles' Glass Butt, Mirror Espionage, and, as always, end up at EHR Sex Ed. We also improve the Iliad by making Everyone Orlando Bloom.

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Episode 69: Throat Latch

Sixty-NINE! In honor of the sex number, we're ranking Shrek movies (obviously), Googling horse anatomy, making fun of Lan's Chastity Ring, and talking about the Aiel's Super Soldier Serum Lizard Protein Shakes.

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Episode 70: The Stink Quarter

We're back, and we've got some pretty challenging ideas to discuss. Like Faile and Perrin's Straight Pride. Oh, and there's Bringing an Axe to Applebee's, Empathy Boners, and hey . . . where IS Germany?  

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